Conflict & Confusion in Marriage Crisis
These are the counseling cases that I dread the most. “What are you saying? Are you saying that I said this? Are you saying that I am the issue and not the wife who is a jerk to me?”
I almost feel like a ping pong that has been passed back and forth. It’s almost like what Paul said, “tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.” (Eph 4:14).
At the end, you feel like the crazy one! Which one is what? People may argue, “Are you saying that I am the issue and not the wife who is the real issue?!”
Counseling cases that are complex and difficult cases too often, churches refer out as one feels Scripture is inadequate to help in everyday life matters.
As I meet with abusive husbands, even the individual personally knew, that man’s anger doesn’t lead to righteousness of God. How do Christians committed to God’s Word help through sticky marriage issues?
Historical Context and Background
In biblical times, was the original intent focused more of headship and submission rather than leadership and support?
The original text omitted the word “submit” is ὑποτάσσεσθε which can be found in 1 Peter 2:18-20. The idea comes such as to arrange under, to put in subjection, to yield to one’s admonition or to submit to one’s control.
The term that is found in Ephesians 6:1 in the historical context is a Greco-Roman military term, which is to be obedient to the higher rank. The story of a Roman Centurion, where Jesus comes, and the officer seeks Christ to heal his little boy. The officer who exercised authority over 100 men (word century = 100 years), bows to Jesus as he acknowledges Christ’ spiritual authority.
The centurion could have overt his authority to command Jesus to come see himself as a slave. However, the officer recognizes Jesus’ authority who had authority greater than himself, the Centurion humbled himself under Jesus in submission.
Jesus in response to the Centurion’s humble faith says, “Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel” (Matt 8:10).
1. Biblical Submission is Christ-like Love
The “authority” too often gets confused with authoritarian husband as the emphasis often focus on the wrong syllable in 1 Peter 3:1. As Scripture indicates in the Old Testament, “Her desire will be for her husband” (Gen 3:16) which argument of complementarian versus egalitarian ideology comes in collision.
The love of God was demonstrated by Christ as the Father send him to die as a propitiation for our sin to provided salvation for the church. Jesus freely gave himself (hand over / deliver) to be crucified on the cross. In that supreme act of love, Paul uses that similar picture of where husbands are to love their wives that is found in the person and the work of Christ on the cross for his own bride.
Christians ought to deem Christ the perfect man to follow and emulate. “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Phil 2:5-8).
Jesus’ attitude of lowliness (humility) is often a horribly misunderstood word.
At the heart of an authoritarian husband is the root of pride that must be address. The application of authority means regard other better than self and others more important (Phil 2:3-4). As John MacArthur said, “They lead by being servants and giving themselves away for others, as Jesus did.” Love and humility go together, as one cannot have one without the other.
2. Biblical Submission is Christ-like Humility
There is a hierarchy of authority seen in the Christian marriage found in Ephesians 5, as there is in two household relationship as following: (1) Husband and wife, (2) Children and parents. The latter part is beyond the family, but Paul address is the relationship between slaves and masters (Eph 6:5).
In the Christian marriage, a loving reflection relationship is shown between Christ and the church as displayed in Ephesians 5:22-23. The Scripture is clear, where there is a Christian wives’ responsibility to submit to the authority of the husband in the same manner they submit to the authority of Christ.
The way a Christian husband exercise authority in marriage is found in a way Christ rules over his church. However, the headship in the marriage does not imply the man is ontologically superior to a woman, but only that leadership for the marriage to function properly.
This responsibility of authority falls in the Christian husband to love their wives in the same way Christ selflessly loves his church. The husband is commanded to “love” ἀγαπᾶτε their wife, which has been used six times total in verses 22 through 33.
The selfless love displayed to his wife is shown to the extent of how one cares of his body, which is equal to the church. The result when one demonstrates the love of Christ in representing Christ is that the glorious church is presented holy and blameless.
3. Biblical Submission is Christ-like Body
The proof that believers are members of Christ’s body is demonstrated by the “one flesh” union of man and woman in marriage taught in the Old Testament.
When husband fail to sacrificially love their wife and placing the need of before her beyond their own ambition, he has forfeited the responsibility to nourish and protect her as Christ does for the church.
Therefore, husbands cannot demand respect.
As Jesus model of leadership, Christ never neglected his responsibility, or abused his authority nor did he abdicate his leadership over others. Authority biblically is an active love that is applied with humility.
Beauty of Biblical Submission and Complementarianism
In today’s day-in-age the egalitarian crises are evident not only in Christian circle but society as whole, “Human rights, equality rights, gender-equality rights” Feminist women pastor would argue, “We were made ALL in the image of God!” with anti-masculinity messages that blurs the line of the patriarchal higher archery / authority that is laid in Scripture.
In a culture that is overtaken by secular psychology and therapeutic ideology that regards Scripture as outdated, and the sciatic enlightenment invention is more ideal and helpful.
Even in such conflict, Christians are able to defend the whole counsel of God’s Word even in the rise of modern secular psychology, and the consequence when one ignores the biblical mandate to utilizing the Scripture to share the care of Christ.
The Scripture contribute to the Christian’s confidence in competency to effectively disciple one another. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Pet 1:3).