Today is the 21st century, people are living in an era of a culture of confusion and even apathy about marriage. The presupposition in one’s mind puts marriage in a negative light for various reasons; divorce, life-long commitment, promiscuity, fornication, and the list go on.
There seems to be even a sense of fear in the Christian community when speaking of a simple definition of a biblical marriage based on scripture.
For the culture to return to a biblical-centered marriage, first, the church must repent and confess our sin of the negligence of elevating the inerrant Word of God. For a true biblical marriage is a gift from above that is good and godly.
Andreas J. Köstenberger said it this way, “Scripture does attest to a significant number of God-honoring love relationships between men and women in Israel’s history, it will be seen that because of sin, the divine ideal of marriage was frequently subverted through polygamy, divorce, adultery, homosexuality, sterility, and a dilution of gender roles.”
Understanding and knowing the biblical prescribed marriage is not only for the deep theologians who can distinguish the differentiation. God has designed marriage as a monogamous, heterosexual, and complementarity as the only real relationship.
Marriage Must First Focus on Vertical Relationship
Husband says, “Could we talk about Submission?” We know what that means. That means the “wife” First, they are to speak about his submission to (1) Christ, (2) Church / Elders.
If you start at Ephesians 5, you are starting too early. There is Ephesians 1-3 for people to understand the proper view of biblical marriage. Even with the Gospel, we find in Ephesians 2-3, Ephesians 3 talks about the Church.
Every marriage’s goal is to bring greater glory to God in the relationship.
We as people must first begin by seeing God bigger and in man’s thinking smaller. Right views to encourage people to give God the glory. To get the right view of God, you must first read the Bible.
On a recent Lifeway Christian Research done a study among professing Christian’s time in the Word have found devastating statistics. 45% of regular attendees spend reading the bible once a week and 20% never read the Bible!
When we rarely spend time in the Word, people will not have a right view of God. As a result, wrong views of God hinder Christians from giving God the glory. If God is not on my mind, it is because I am not filled with His presence.
As a result, people have a TEMPORAL perspective (eschatological perspective: Matt 6:23-24). Paul’s motto of life he spoke with all his might was, “For to me to live is Christ” (Phil 1:21). It is not for me to live as a FAMILY.
However, this is where often the rubber hits the road and people call “quits” on personal quiet time. For people want the product without the process. For people don’t want to come in the light! Why? Because of God’s righteousness and holiness. The heart naturally will rebel for what is there.
Christians must untameably call one another to be in the Word, not just a few minutes in the Word. For what is in the Word will make a difference in family, marriages, and everything. Look at the Scripture by getting a big view of who God is.
So often in marriage counseling, we hear, “I want” or “I think” not what God thinks of the situation. “I know I can be a better husband BUT….” When the but comes in, that then means nothing anymore. Marriage sermons series for 6 weeks may help, but many times it doesn’t really help. Why? For no one coast through a great marriage. Cultivating a healthy biblical marriage is hard work.
Ultimately, marriage counseling doesn’t change character. Only God can do that through His Word, in Christ by the convicting ministry of the Spirit.
The Role and Responsibility of the Husband
I remember as a young pastor, I begin to offer premarital counseling, and how I find out various reasons why people wanted to get married. Here are few of them.
- Escapism: They just want to get out of the “home” with mom and dad.
- Status quo: They want to get married and do not like the status of “single”
- Fulfillment: Some people get married to have legal guilt-free “sex”
- Economic: It’s cheaper to live together even as “Christians” and live together.
- Offspring: The mentality of Rachel, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” (Gen 30:1).
- Comfort: Having a housekeeper? Someone to provide.
We have the fruit of the Spirit for me! “love yourself, gentle to self, kind to self….. etc How eye-opening marriage brings to the spiritual self?
The Biblical purpose is to ultimately bring glory to God and keep Jesus Preeminent in your marriage. Marriage is to reflect God’s relationship to His people and Christ’s relationship to His church (Eph 5:22–32).
In the Old Testament God commanded the men this, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24).
God says children must leave their parents and the man must cleave to a wife. As a results? God says the two will become one flesh. And later in the New Testament the apostle Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
What is the biblical view as love defined? What does love is described, “As Christ loved the church” (v. 25) look like?
(1) Initiatory (1 John 4:19).
(2) Sacrificial (Eph 5:25).
(3) Humble (Phil 2:3–4).
(4) Volitional (John 15:16).
(5) Contra-conditional (Rom 5:8).
(6) Eternal and Committed (Rom 8:39).
(7) Forgiving (Col 3:13).
(8) Purifying and Constructive (Eph 5:26–27).
(9) Practical (1 John 3:18).
Biblical headship is a divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.