The Tale of Two Broken Men
Ryan and David both faced marital challenges related to pornography addiction. Each expressed remorse to their wives, but their responses to their struggles differed significantly.
On a windy autumn afternoon, Ryan found himself standing alone at the park where he had promised his wife he would change. The gravity of his actions hit him like a cold gust, as he watched couples stroll by, unburdened by the weight of betrayal. In that moment, Ryan realized the depth of his failure and the hurt he had caused. Initially, you may have thought the man with more emotion might be more repentant, but what is the basis for true repentance that might be more about understanding the impact on others?
J.C. Ryle emphasizes that sinfulness originates from within, not from external factors like bad training or companions. The truth is, as we face the reality of sin, people tend to hide, minimize, blame, or deflect when identifying personal sin.
Determining the presence of genuine repentance involves evaluating four key elements: recognition, remorse, repentance, and restoration.
1. Recognition
Repentance begins with a “change of mind” The initial step requires individuals to recognize their wrongdoing and acknowledge the existence of a problem.
An example of substance abuse, where individuals must first acknowledge they have a problem before true change can begin. He noted that admitting one has a problem is a crucial initial step toward repentance. I speak of when men in the (not endorsing) but alcoholic anonymous in the 12-step program, the language relapse, that in the eyes of the Lord it is sinful, disappointing, harmful, and breaks trust.
The gospel message of hope, based on John MacArthur’s sermon, the inability to love, obey, or please God is the essence of human poverty, and the only solution is God’s recreating work. One must be “born again” and receiving a new heart through the gospel of Jesus is necessary for true change, as good works cannot overcome a wicked heart.
We see Martin Luther’s realization that salvation is by grace through faith, not by earning God’s favor, which brought him peace. The Bible says, “He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” (Tit 3:5-7).
Salvation comes not from good deeds, but from God’s mercy through Jesus Christ, offered as a free gift. John Newton’s testimony of being a great sinner yet having Christ as a great savior is an example of this grace.
“Yes, and amen!” However, we must distinguish between mere belief and genuine repentance, for even the devil believes Jesus is the Son of God. For the meaning of repentance, explaining that belief alone, even for the devil, is not enough for salvation.
Repentance, which involves a change of mind and heart, is what truly differentiates a believer from the devil. The gospel of Mark says, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” (Mark 1:15), which means the kingdom of God requires both belief and repentance in the gospel.
2. Remorse
The second aspect: a change of heart, which involves true remorse. We must first recognize the importance of the heart’s deceitfulness and the need for a spiritual transformation through the gospel.
This should not be surprising, as Proverbs 28:26 states, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool.” The heart plays tricks, doesn’t it? As Jeremiah 17:9 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked”.
Individuals tend to focus on the flaws of others while overlooking their own significant issues.
The concept of repentance contrasts worldly sorrow with godly sorrow. The story of Pharaoh from the Old Testament illustrates that outward displays of regret do not always signify a true change of heart, as Pharaoh continued to pursue the Israelites despite experiencing the plagues.
The example of Pharaoh’s hardened heart, which showed a change of mind but no true remorse, even after significant suffering, illustrates that hitting “rock bottom” doesn’t guarantee repentance. Repentance involves both acknowledging sin and making behavioral changes.
3. Repentance
“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” (2 Cor 7:10).
Godly sorrow leads one to true repentance. We see this distinction between godly and worldly sorrow through the examples of Judas Iscariot and Peter. He noted that Judas’s remorse led to self-destruction, indicating worldly sorrow, while Peter’s denial of Jesus was followed by a transformative change in his life, demonstrating true repentance and a changed course of life.
As shared earlier, Judas’s self-destruction due to guilt (worldly sorrow) and Peter’s eventual leadership and martyrdom (godly sorrow) after betraying Jesus. Peter’s life showed true remorse and belief, leading to confidence in their salvation.
The secular approaches, such as certain rehabilitation programs or psychoanalysis, focus on managing symptoms or labeling individuals as victims of their past rather than addressing the root issues of the heart. True transformation, where individuals are not victims of their past, comes from dealing with the heart level and embracing a new creation in Christ, which is God’s work.
As I meet people for counseling, the goal is not simply to make the individual feel good, but to help them become more like Christ. God is often challenging because it goes against human selfishness, which is described as the “flesh” in scripture.
As mentioned earlier, the concept of grace empowers believers to overcome sin, not just pardon it. The game plan for addressing specific sins like pride with humility and encouraged the practical application of biblical principles to overcome challenges.
4. Restoration
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Rom 12:2).
The idea here is offering bodies as living sacrifices and being transformed by the renewing of the mind. The idea is on “transform,” likening it to metamorphosis, using the example of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly through a chrysalis stage, emphasizing that this crucial process builds strength, much like God allows hardships to open their eyes to areas needing improvement.
Based on Ephesians 4, identifying personal areas to “put off”. Looking closely, Ephesians 4:25-32, highlights the principle of “putting off” sinful behaviors and “putting on” righteous ones.
The pathway for any man or woman allows one prompt to grow. Scripture offers a way out of sin, providing a path to progressive sanctification. To turn this concept into a practical habit, consider adopting a tangible action this week.
Complete freedom from struggle is unrealistic, but with God’s help, anxiety levels can be reduced, and the focus is on increasing in holiness while decreasing in sinfulness. None is perfect, but one can learn where they are still broken and what to do about it. Those who do not repent nor seek growth are stiff-arming God and His work in their lives.
True Biblical Change is the Heart of Repentance
Let me tell you a story of the progression from heart to character, using the story of “Lucy” in that true change originates from the heart. “Lucy,” who, despite external pressures and seeking professional counseling, found transformation by focusing on biblical principles regarding anger, demonstrating that true change originates from the heart rather than mere behavioral modification.
By addressing the root causes of behavioral issues rather than just treating symptoms. Whatever the problem is, like anger, lying, or addiction, it often stems from deeper issues such as insecurity, fear of rejection, or lack of trust in God.
At the heart of repentance, we must first identify and address these underlying causes to effect real change.
Going back to the earlier, David’s repentance led to restoration, while Ryan’s worldly sorrow resulted in further destructive behavior and legal consequences. Dave showed true repentance through lasting behavioral changes while Ryan’s apparent remorse was superficial.
Let us delve deeper into their contrasting journeys to better understand the transformative process of true repentance. As Ryan’s marriage fell apart, he spent nights alone, frequenting bars, and blaming others for his misfortune. One evening, after a heated argument with a friend, Ryan recklessly got into his car, leading to a serious accident that resulted in legal repercussions, further distancing himself from healing and growth.
In contrast, Dave chose a different path. After facing his flaws, he committed to personal and spiritual growth.